I closed the door one, two, three, four, five times. With the key and pushing to ensure that I had closed it while I count: key-push-one, key-push-two, key-push-three…Suddenly I think: Have I closed the water faucet properly? I go up to the house again, I go into the kitchen, and I check one, two, three, four, five times that no water comes out of it: I open and close it, open and close it…I do the same thing in the bathroom, just in case, and since I am already there, I take another look at the windows since they remain a little open sometimes: closed window, closed window, closed window…At least at this place I don’t have gas (I think to myself) because otherwise I would have to check the burners, gas containers, the gas cock; the burners, gas containers, the gas cock…Seven minutes later I manage to leave the house again, and I know that before closing the door, I have to mentally go over all the processes that I have completed because I know that if I don’t do it, I have to start again, again going up, again checking.
It is curious because as time passes, it seems to get worse. The fact is that I don’t do things just five times but up to ten. In a flash, and without realizing it, I increased the number of repetitions, and today, at forty-three years of age, I have to close the house ten times, check the light switches ten times, the water. I have to check ten times that I have the passports, and that the ticket is for the right date, and the time is what I already knew it was (since I have spent years taking the same flights, the same trains).
There are rituals that I have left behind with more or less help, but there are days when I think that that part of myself is also me, and because of this, I don’t always feel that I want to get rid of it even though I try it one, two, three, four, or five times…
I closed the door one, two, three, four, five times. With the key and pushing to ensure that I had closed it while I count: key-push-one, key-push-two, key-push-three…Suddenly I think: Have I closed the water faucet properly? I go up to the house again, I go into the kitchen, and I check one, two, three, four, five times that no water comes out of it: I open and close it, open and close it…I do the same thing in the bathroom, just in case, and since I am already there, I take another look at the windows since they remain a little open sometimes: closed window, closed window, closed window…At least at this place I don’t have gas (I think to myself) because otherwise I would have to check the burners, gas containers, the gas cock; the burners, gas containers, the gas cock…Seven minutes later I manage to leave the house again, and I know that before closing the door, I have to mentally go over all the processes that I have completed because I know that if I don’t do it, I have to start again, again going up, again checking.
